Leaping off the Author Fear Ladder

How to grant yourself permission to let go.

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This time last year, I had just completed the first draft of my novel. I was elated, but also terrified.

So, I reached out to one of my soul friends, someone who has been both my writing champion and my mirror.

I confessed my biggest fear: What if I don’t get an agent?

She listened patiently and then reminded me that just a few months ago, when I’d first told her I was writing a book, I had said that my only goal was to finish it. Now, here I was, completed draft in hand, unsatisfied.

As it always does, the truth struck a nerve. My driving force had been to simply write the story that burned within, but now that wasn’t enough.

I share book reviews and behind-the-scenes snippets from my writing life on Instagram.

Why? Because, for me, this is more than just a novel.

It’s a story that’s been shaped by the shifts in our collective consciousness that have taken place over the last five years: the Black Lives Matter movement, conversations about identity and race taking place in mainstream media, friends asking me about experiences which I’d never shared.

It’s a story that came from the realisation that the next generation don’t know enough about the sacrifices and struggles of my parents’ and grandparents’ generations.

When I first started writing, I’d told my friend that if my closest friends and family were the only ones to read my book, that would be enough. At some point this feeling had been replaced by a need to publish, to share, to bring the novel into the world.

Because this isn’t just my story. It’s the story of all the South Asian immigrants who came to the UK in the 1950s, 60s and 70s. Of the Indians who grew up under colonialism and found their homeland split by Partition.

It’s the story of those who endured indignities and injustices so that I can have a voice. It’s a story for the future, for the next generation. This story isn’t just mine, it is theirs, and it is all of ours.

My friend asked me, ‘If you get an agent, will you be able to give yourself permission to enjoy that or will there be another step that you are worrying about?’

After twenty-five years, she knows me well enough to already know the answer!

For many South Asian women in Britain, like me, we are placed onto a fear ladder at birth. We’re taught to conform to our community’s expectations, strive for academic excellence, pursue a high-earning career, prioritise our appearance and find a suitable partner.

The underlying question often isn’t What do you want? but What will people say?

The fear of judgement, of bringing shame, of not meeting expectations are a heavy burden. And I realised that my author dreams had amplified my fears, each rung on the ladder a new anxiety which washed away the joy of climbing.

Credit: Simi Sidhu

My writing journey started years before I wrote my first scene, you could say that I’ve been writing this book all my life. Want to know more? Read about my journey here and find out about my mistakes.

In the writing world, the statistics can be daunting:

• Apparently 81% of people say they want to write a book, but only 15% start writing, and just 3% finish their manuscript.

• Of those completed manuscripts, only 1-2% get traditionally published.

• Even after publication, 75% of books don’t earn out their advance.

These numbers can fuel our fears. But they also highlight the courage it takes to even begin the journey.

It’s a relentless cycle. And it’s not unique to writing. In life, we often climb similar ladders:

• Education: What if I don’t achieve the grades I need? → What if I don’t get into the university I want to? → What if I don’t land the job I want?

• Relationships: What if I never find someone? → What if they leave me? → What if we can’t make it work?

• Career: What if I don’t get the promotion? → What if I can’t meet expectations? → What if I get replaced?

1. Acknowledge the Fear: Recognise that fear is a natural part of growth. It signals that you’re pushing boundaries.

2. Celebrate Milestones: Don’t wait for the final goal to celebrate. Each step… writing a chapter, finishing a draft, submitting a query, even receiving a rejection… is an achievement. It shows you’re moving forwards.

3. Define Success for Yourself: Instead of external validation, focus on what success means to you personally.

4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who uplift you, who remind you of your progress, and who help silence the inner critic.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that setbacks are part of the journey, not the end of it.

Remember, the ladder of fear is infinite if we let it be. But we have the power to step off, to rest, to look around, and to appreciate how far we’ve come.

Are you on a fear ladder too? Share your journey in the comments.